he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
