yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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