instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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