You're completely useless in the revolution.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
worst night to have a conscience
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
