70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
