but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
BRING THE BAGELS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
