Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
