Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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