that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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