seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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