I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
