U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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