I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
