Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
