She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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