is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
