I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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