Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
