So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
