thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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