listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
