i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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