porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
