Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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