grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize