dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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