so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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