Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
