He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
