Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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