You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I will pee on everything he values.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Randomize
