News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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