Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
