New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
