it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
