hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
