I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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