you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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