there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
