I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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