You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
