The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize