OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize