Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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