I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
