You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
