I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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