I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
