I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
