it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
