I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
