We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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