Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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