I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
