Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize