Soap is not a condiment
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
