just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
