I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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