Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
