Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
