you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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