Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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