Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
