you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
