Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
