I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
