The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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