is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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