its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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