Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
