im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize