i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
